Sabrina Jalees
June 24,
2013
"Before I came out, I was trying to write about anything but what I was actually going through. Would you believe that created writer’s block? But as soon as I was able to come out, not just about writing about being gay but everything came out. I think that’s the most important thing for a writer is being able to write about the things you know and the things that you think about."
– Sabrina Jalees
Guy MacPherson: Are you in
New York?
Sabrina Jalees:
I had a show in Ottawa last night and I’m heading to Toronto for a show this
afternoon. But I live in Brooklyn now and I’ve got my American phone roving
around Canada collecting charges far and wide.
GM: How long have you been in New York?
SJ: I’ve
been living there for about four years.
GM: And it’s everything you dreamed it
would be?
SJ: Oh, man.
I mean, I can’t lie. I had total rose-coloured glasses. I was wearing flowers
in my eyes when I moved over there. Because I was very lucky when I started
doing comedy in Toronto. I was talking about 9/11 shortly after the tragedy as
someone who was brought up Muslim and I got a lot of attention fast. So I sort
of had this idea that I would move to New York and get off the plane and Lorne
Michaels would roll up on the tarmac with a limousine and invite me to join the
cast of Saturday Night Live. I just
had this sort of glorious dream of what would happen. And really I never worked
harder in my life moving there. I started doing standup at 16 but when I moved
there four years ago, that’s when I really started a new chapter with standup.
I’ve been doing pretty much at least a show or two a night every night that
I’ve been in the city and really working hard.
GM: And maintaining your presence in
Canada, too, right?
SJ: Yeah,
because I never left Canada because I didn’t like it; I really left to go to
New York to become a better comic.
GM: And you still had gigs here, like on
CBC or wherever.
SJ: Yeah.
Wherever anyone would take me, I’d still come back. That’s the great thing
about New York vs LA is that I was still able to maintain my gigs and shows
that I worked on out of Toronto. Flying back to Canada was easy.
GM: I met you in 2003. You were 18. I have
you on video. We were at Just For
Laughs and we played in the basketball
game.
SJ: Oh, my
God! That was like summer camp for me. Amazing.
GM: I think you did a cartwheel on the
court.
SJ: Yes! And
George Shapiro, the producer of Seinfeld
complimented my cartwheel. I was like, ‘Well, this is it, guys! I gotta quit
school because I will be the next Seinfeld based on my cartwheel
skills!’
GM: When you got to New York, did you
pursue Saturday Night Live or those higher profile things you had been
dreaming about?
SJ: I’ve put
together an audition for Saturday Night
Live. I think for me what I’ve learned in trying to do standup in Canada is
how many different roads you can go down: as a comedian, a writer, a performer,
host. So what I really loved about my career here in Canada is that I’ve been
able to host a radio show or host and produce a kids show and all these
different things. For me, the dream is to continue to be able to be creative
and get paid for it. And if I get bucketloads of money and famous, then that’s
just a bigger dream. It means I’ve slept on the right side of the bed.
GM: You’ve always been ambitious, haven’t
you?
SJ: I hope
so.
GM: Not all comics are.
SJ: Another
thing I’ve noticed is comedians like Russell Peters and Gerry Dee, who have
this big presence not just in Canada but internationally, it’s a lot of talent
and skill but in both of those cases, and in most cases, it’s also paired with
this undying drive and ambition. Even the idea of standup, you go on stage and
the illusion is that you’re just sort of riffing. A lot of creative people get
distracted by that illusion because, yeah, you do improvise a bit but the
comics who seem the most natural on stage also worked hour after hour on those
jokes. So I’ve just tried to put as much effort into what I do and to be
honest, going to New York was another wake-up call. Because I had some credits
here in Canada, I was able to sort of at times rest on my laurels. In New York,
you can’t show up to shows doing the same seven minutes. You won’t get booked
again. A lot of the times, the hottest shows that I’m performing on are booked
by comics, and comics are booking people that they’re inspired by, that they
find funny. But definitely, maybe it’s a child of immigrant thing, but I’m
selling tank tops after the show, I’m emailing everyone I can on Facebook to
get on their podcast to promote this tour, whatever I can do. What can I do to
get you to my show, Guy?! I don’t know, is it drive or is it desperation? I
think it’s a fine blend. If I was a coffee roaster, my coffee would be called Drive and Desperation.
GM: You can do my podcast when you come to
town.
SJ: Yeah,
can I?
GM: Of course.
SJ: It’s
amazing how things change when you produce a show vs someone booking you for a
show, where you’re like, ‘I guess I’ll wake up at 8 and do radio interviews.’
Now I’m like offering people handjobs on Facebook to get on their podcast.
GM: Well, great.
SJ: Well,
maybe we can change the handjob. I’ll wash their car.
GM: I’ll take it. Anyway, it’s crazy the
amount of success you had at such a young age here.
SJ: I was
very lucky.
GM: Lucky and talented. There are lots of
young comics who would love to have that. What was it? Were you hustling or did
things just fall in your lap?
SJ: I think
this business is always a mix of talent and luck. Or what do they say? My
brother says this to me all the time: Success is a combination of… Aw, man, I
wish I knew the right words!
GM: Preparation…
SJ:
Preparation and timing!
GM: Something like that, yeah.
SJ:
Something like that. Isn’t that tragic that we both forgot the exact recipe? So
I think the timing was right for me because it was after 9/11, it was a
reaction to this sort of stigma around being brown at that time. And I was
young so I was different. So the timing was right for me to get these festivals
and I think I did a pretty good job. I loved doing standup and threw myself in
it. So I did get a lot of attention young but really what I’ve learned now,
over the course of doing this for twelve years, is that whatever luck you get,
you’ve got to follow it up with really delivering. And when I moved to New York
expecting the moon and the stars, what I didn’t realize was there are people
there that have been doing standup every night four or five times for years.
And those are the next ones to get their tickets. So I’m in line. I think I’ve
moved up in the line. I almost got a job writing for Jimmy Fallon. I’m getting big opportunities and auditioning for big
shows. But in the meantime, being able to do this tour… And I’ve had some
sold-out shows. What a great blessing. I’m not religious at all but I’ll throw
that word around. It’s a blessing.
GM: You’ve never played Vancouver, have
you?
SJ: I have,
actually. I split headline with Debra DiGiovanni and we rented out a theatre a
while ago. This was maybe five or six years ago. And it was a blast.
GM: When I met you in 2003, you gave me
your card. You had a business card at 18!
SJ: (laughs)
GM: So I was aware of your name and
watched for you. And then I started hearing and seeing you on CBC.
SJ: It was
that cartwheel, Guy.
GM: You obviously have a national presence
here where you can tour the country.
SJ: Yeah,
and you know what? Running a tour like this is like planning a huge birthday
party and the hours before the party you’re like, ‘Why did I do this? I’ve got
all this cake. The streamers are up. And is anyone going to show up?’ And I
can’t even tell you how amazing it’s been to see the turn-out. I feel so lucky.
It’s been great. In New York, nobody knows who I am really. When I make eye
contact with tweens, I’m like, ‘Are you gonna recognize me?’ And inevitably
it’s like, ‘Ah, no, you have a booger at the side of your nostril.’ But people
recognizing me and having some sort of relationship with me already, it’s an
amazing feeling. These shows are so special because of that. Because people
know a little bit about my story and so right out of the gate it’s like we’re
just hanging out.
GM: Showbiz is highly sexualized and
you’re a cute young woman.
SJ: Okay,
let’s talk about my body, Guy. Let’s talk about it.
GM: I know it’s sexist, but did you feel
any kind of backlash after you came out and then got married?
SJ: I think
the cool thing is, and lucky for me, is when I started doing standup – and that
was even before I knew I was gay – there was still this vibe in the air
about Ellen DeGeneres coming out on her sitcom and her sitcom was cancelled so
watch what you say, watch what you do. Cut to today and Ellen is the most liked
person on daytime TV. So luckily there have been pioneers before me who have
kind of battled through crappier times. I think we’re at a time now where,
yeah, I talk about being gay on stage and I talk about gay rights and I talk
about race, but the same way I talk about race, there’s a common space there
and these are issues that people care about because people care about people.
And for me, my standup’s always been biographical.
To answer your question
directly, I felt fairly hesitant to come out when I was doing standup in
Toronto before I left because of that. I had actually started doing comedy in
kind of a different era. I felt like I was going to be pigeon-holed. It wasn’t
until I moved to New York that I realized this wasn’t a decision; this is who I
am. If I’m going to be honest on stage, this is a part of who I am. When I was
holding it back, it was affecting my writing. Before I came out, I was trying
to write about anything but what I was actually going through. Would you
believe I was blocked? Would you believe that created writer’s block? But as
soon as I was able to come out, not just about writing about being gay but
everything came out. I think that’s the most important thing for a writer is
being able to write about the things you know and the things that you think
about.
GM: So you came out and then everything
came out.
SJ: That’s
right. My toilet got unclogged.
GM: And you talk about race, so obviously
being Swiss is a big part of that.
SJ: Yes. You
would not believe the Toblerone jokes. Every now and then I’ll touch on the
Pakistani thing just to make my dad feel okay.
GM: The tour is called Brownlisted. And
that refers to being shunned by your father’s family, right?
SJ: Yeah.
I’d been debating with my parents for a while whether they want me to come out.
I said, ‘Okay, I got married now. What’s your five-year plan with this secret
to the family? Just keep on showing up to family things with my white best
friend? And pretty soon we’ve got a little kid best friend?’ To me, I was not
ashamed of who I was but I knew it would be a big leap for them because of
where they land religiously and culturally, but I never imagined they would
completely block me out, which is what ended up happening. It was a really
difficult thing and I wrote this piece about it for the Huffington Post at my lowest low. Really, I hadn’t reached the
point where I was ready to write jokes; I just wrote this honest piece about
what I was feeling and what I was going through. And the response from that
actually inspired the tour. Because I got these great, huge cyber hugs from
people all over the world but especially people from Canada that remembered me
from Video on Trial or had seen me
live and had felt a relationship with me and felt that they needed to reach out
and give me a hug. And there’s also people that felt inspired to come out and
shared their stories and some of them were similar. And then there were Muslim
people who said, ‘I pray to Allah that your family can learn to accept you and
congratulations to you and your wife.’ So it was really hugely cathartic.
GM: Any reaction from your family about
the tour?
SJ: I
haven’t heard from them about the tour, no.
GM: You’re talking about your extended
family, not your parents, correct?
SJ: No, my
parents have been amazing. I came out to them when I was 20. That was a whole
thing as well. My joke in my act about coming out to my dad was it was hard
because now he expects me to get ten wives. But when you come out, parents have
their expectations of what your life is going to look like and coming out
always throws them for a loop. But they couldn’t be prouder of me. They’re
awesome. They actually drove to Ottawa from Toronto to check out my show again
last night. Really, they’re heroes. They’re standing in front of the family
saying, you know, ‘So what? My kid’s gay. Your kid’s got bad breath.’
GM: For the ones that have shunned you,
were you pretty close to them before?
SJ: Yeah, I
lived with a lot of them because my dad is the eldest of eight brothers and
sisters and they all emigrated first to Canada and mostly their first stop
would be in our basement. These are cousins and aunts and uncles that were
pretty much like brothers and sisters to me at one time. And of course you get
older and you grow up, but you never assume that you will lose your family in
that way. And honestly, since the Huffington
Post piece, as time has gone by, some people have reached out to me. And at
the end of the day, anyone that wants to have a relationship with me – this is
where the desperation comes in: ‘Anyone that wants me, I’ll take it!’ But
really, I get it. I just didn’t know that they would be willing to defriend me
and block me out and stop speaking to me. But whatever. I really wouldn’t have
been as vocal about what happened if it wasn’t so horrible the way it was dealt
with. I mean, it made me realize why gay kids kill themselves. If I didn’t have
my parents in that time, being rejected by your tribe sucks.
GM: Is your dad a religious Muslim or just
a cultural one?
SJ: He
married a white woman in the ‘70s and it was all downhill for him and religion from
there. There’s no bacon in the house and he makes it known that there will be
no ordering of any pork. It’s adorable. It’s like he wants to live in a world
where he believes that none of us has ever had a slice of pepperoni.
GM: Are you close to your mother’s side of
the family?
SJ: Yeah. My
mother’s side of the family I am close to. One of my aunts flew in for the
wedding. They’re Swiss; they’re not going to make any waves.
GM: Did you develop material for the tour
on stages in New York?
SJ: Yeah,
pretty much. The tour is everything I’ve been working on in New York the past
four years. And also I felt that before the Huffington
Post thing happened, I’d been wanting to come back. This is my first
national tour. I go back for corporates or whatever and they’ll fly me in but
generally speaking I haven’t had the opportunity to invite fans or anyone –
fans or anyone; that’s my demographic! – to come see me perform. I’ve been
really fucking happy about the turnout and the shows. I feel like I’ve been
working so hard and a lot of times when people refer to my comedy, it’s a
little bit older jokes and it’s a different era. So I’m excited to show Canada
the Sabrina Jalees of 2013.
GM: Married life is good?
SJ: Married
life is good, yeah! I’m married to a stylist so that means I’m a trendy type of
person.
GM: She leaves your clothes out for you in
the morning?
SJ: Oh, yes,
for sure. It’s adorable: She took pictures of all the outfits I’m wearing. For
each city she’s planned out an outfit. And I have to say Vancouver’s is just
delightful.
GM: Where is she from?
SJ: She grew
up near DC but she’s from a military family. She was born in Guam and I found
her in San Francisco. Very American family I married into. It’s amazing to see
their growth through this whole thing, too. They go to church every Sunday and
they’re a military family and Republican. Can you imagine what they must have
thought was coming to their house the first day I showed up to meet them? Just
a lesbian kicking down the door: ‘I’ve stolen your daughter’s heart. And I’ve
built a deck out front.’
GM: Are both families in the act?
SJ: Yes.
Well, I married into a wealth of material.
GM: That’s why you did it. I get it now.
SJ: Exactly!
You gotta pick very wisely.
GM: Your Wikipedia entry says you’re also
a dancer. I didn’t know this about you.
SJ: You know
what? That’s maybe where you’re not want to write your college papers from. I’m
not a dancer! You know what it was? On Video
On Trial, under your name they would put some random job and I always got
them to put ‘Interpretive Dancer’. I actually got some booking requests (laughs) in the beginning based on that.
You know what the best part of the Wikipedia page is? At the bottom, and very
dramatically, it says, ‘Jalees is out as a lesbian.’ (laughs) She’s broken out of jail and she will not let go of this
lesbian stuff! Like I’m on the prowl.
GM: So lock your daughters inside!
SJ: Hide
your plaid shirts!
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