Kathy Griffin interview (2010)

Kathy Griffin – October 6, 2010

"I was so enamored with Hollywood that once I moved to California I just thought I was going to get my own TV show within a week. And when I hear about young actresses and actors that have that experience, I want to punch them in the face." – Kathy Griffin

Guy MacPherson: Hello?

Kathy Griffin: Guy?

GM: Yes?

KG: It's Kathy Griffin!

GM: Kathy, how are you?

KG: Good, how are you doing?

GM: Good, thanks.

KG: I'm ready to rock the River Rock.

GM: Again.

KG: Again. I've filmed the D List there, I've played there, the infamous Howard is there, who introduces me. I'm ready to take on Richmond. I come without fear.

GM: Is this your third time?

KG: Yeah.

GM: What's the deal with Howard?

KG: Howard's obsessed with me.

GM: Well, who isn't?

KG: Thank you. Especially in Richmond.

GM: Last we spoke you were coming up early because Lily Tomlin was here the night before you.

KG: Yes. You know what, I haven't looked on their website. Are you in front of a computer?

GM: Yeah. I looked it up.

KG: Who's there?

GM: Nobody I've heard of.

KG: Shit. But I will say, this is called – and by the way, I learned this phrase from Bette Midler, so I'm dropping a very A-list name – what I'm doing is called a 'pod', which is when you're on tour year-round, like I am, but you don't go out 365 days; you go out, like, ten days a month, or whatever. So I'm actually going to be in the middle of a pod, so I'm going to go from Portland to Richmond, BC, to Berkeley to Santa Cruz. So believe it or not, no matter who was at the River Rock prior to me or after me, I wouldn't be able to attend.

GM: It's Streetheart playing the night after you.

KG: Well, you know what? They sound fantastic and I could kick myself but I can't stay. But I'll be very busy moving on to Berkeley to tell Lindsey Lohan stories. And who knows what will have happened by October 16. And you know there's two shows so it's what we call in the business a 'double'. So the 8 pm show and the 10:30 show. I love doing a double because I honestly have so much material that I have this environment where I can get to all of it.

GM: So if somebody were to go to both shows--

KG: They wouldn't see two completely different shows, but believe me, every time I do a show I say, "Oh, I forgot to make fun of Elizabeth Hasselbeck as much as I should have."

GM: What's the deal with Elizabeth Hasselbeck? Do you get along?

KG: I don't get along with her, no.

GM: Because you've done The View numerous times and you have to be civil to a certain extent.

KG: Not anymore. I don't feel that I do have to be civil to her.

GM: So it's just cold backstage?

KG: If you YouTube my appearance on The View, you'll see that she was so rude that I no longer have to be civil to her. Prior to that, I was civil and she was civil to me. But you know what? I think she's just looking to make a name for herself on Fox News. Do you guys have Fox News there?

GM: We do. I don't know anyone who pays for it. It's on a pay channel.

KG: Oh, perfect. That's how it should be.

GM: But we certainly all know about it and know what it stands for and we see the clips. We watch The Daily Show and they make fun of it a lot.

KG: Oh, well that's how you get the real news.

GM: So how's your show going?

KG: The show is going fine. The touring is better because, you know, that's really where the fur flies. So I have to give the disclaimer, and even though it's a casino I do want to say leave the kids at home. Leave the kids in daycare or just leave them at a slot machine. But there will be far too much swearing and negativity for anyone with a weak stomach to come to my shows.

GM: Do people actually bring kids to your shows?

KG: You know, when I started out I used to have people who would yell from the audience, maybe after I had said the f-word or something even worse for the 17th time, "There's kids here." And I would just say, "What the hell are your kids doing here? This is not the place for them. This isn't Chuck E. Cheese." Which I also don't know if you have there.

GM: Yes, we do.

KG: It's a children-themed pizza restaurant with plastic balls that children run in and apparently probably spread viruses. Anyway, so no, it happens rarely. But every so often I do get walk-outs, which are fun. And I might get some walk-outs at the River Rock because you know when you do a casino it's a little different. A lot of the people in the audience are what's called 'casino comps'. They're people who have lost money at the tables or they're friends of the casino and often they just come to whatever show happens to be there the night that they're there. So at the River Rock it's possible I'll have audience members that really think that they're going to see Air Supply or Helen Reddy or one of your other Canadian jewels.

GM: (laughs) Hey, wait a second. Helen Reddy is Australian.

KG: She is?

GM: Yeah!

KG: Oh. Who's a Canadian person I can make fun of?

GM: Uh... well, there's Celine Dion, of course...

KG: No, no, no. River Rock level.

GM: Loverboy?

KG: Well, Air Supply is almost always on the video screen when I'm there.

GM: Yeah, you're right. I'm just looking at the schedule. Kris Kristofferson is coming but he's not Canadian.

KG: He's not Canadian.

GM: I don't think Air Supply is Canadian, either.

KG: Well, that's what's great about the River Rock is it's a combination of me, Canadian superstars and legends. And while I will never be a Canadian superstar, some day I can hope to be a legend. And that's of course my goal, to just be the new Kris Kristofferson but with dick jokes.

GM: One day.

KG: Here's hoping!

GM: Back to your show for a minute, you're in the sixth season now?

KG: Season six, yes.

GM: You joke about being on the D-list. Where do you really see yourself?

KG: It depends where I am. So for example, on my birthday I'm going to go to Gloria Vanderbilt's apartment so I will have an A-list moment. So I have A-list moments. If I go to the Prime Time Emmys, and I win, I feel I'm on the A-list. But if I go to the Emmys and I lose, I feel that I'm on more the C- or the D-list. I guess I would have to be on the B- or the C-list because to be on the D-list would mean you couldn't even go to the Emmys. So it's ever-changing.

GM: You're going to Gloria Vanderbilt's because of your relationship with Anderson Cooper?

KG: Yeah, that's how I met her.

GM: Oh, so you've met her before.

KG: Yes. And she's fascinating. A friend of mine said she finds her to be the most fascinating woman of the last century.

GM: What kind of conversations do you have?

KG: We talk about whatever she wants. But she thinks I'm naughty and funny and she is very accepting of my naughty and funny ways and I appreciate that.

GM: Do you feel you have to be 'on'?

KG: You know, it's more like I'm interested in her story because she's so fascinating and she's led such an incredible life, so I'm kind of trying to get the dish out of her. But I try to amuse her. It's the least I can do for what she's done for the world as an icon. I like icons.

GM: Were you always starstruck as a kid?

KG: Always. I was always starstruck. Grew up loving Judy Garland, wanting to be Liza. Then, of course, met Liza at the River Rock.

GM: That's where you meet all the greats.

KG: They really do go there. That's what's kind of great about that place. And I'm always looking for the comedy in everything. There's so much happening right now between Paris Hilton and her powdery bubblegum that was in her purse... allegedly. Now, are you guys getting Jersey Shore?

GM: I hear it referenced but I have no idea.

KG: What does that mean? You don't know it's on or you don't watch it?

GM: I don't know if it's on but people talk about it.

KG: Yeah, well we'll probably be talking about The Jersey Shore. Of course, I will be making fun of any Canadian superstars I can think of, starting with Celine and working my way down.

GM: Alan Thicke.

KG: I just saw Alan Thicke so of course I'll be making fun of him. I saw him at the Bill Maher Hollywood Walk of Fame star-giving ceremony, or whatever you call it. Bill Maher had the oddest group of people. He had O.J. Simpson housemate Kato Kaelin, he had Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane, he had Larry King, he had Alan Thicke and me. It was a really weird group of people. It's perfect for my act. It's a great, crazy mix of people.

GM: I saw you on Larry King recently. When was that?

KG: Well, I was on Larry King two nights ago as well, so I'm not sure which one you mean.

GM: Yes, that one, about the teen suicides.

KG: Yeah, the teen suicides. Very serious. But don't worry, the shows at River Rock will be offensive and inappropriate as always. It's not like I'm doing shows about teen suicide. I'm just doing my side work about that.

GM: Understood. Do you like having to delve into the serious?

KG: I feel compelled to; it's not like I like having to. It's just that when I'm doing interviews like this one I just have to be very, very clear. And my stand-up agents are always on me to say, "Make sure people know that you might go on TV and help these various causes but they shouldn't think they're going to a show where they're going to hear about these serious topics. Make sure that they know you're just going to be offending people and telling dick jokes as always." I believe that's my best way to help the community. And by that I mean the Canadian community.

GM: I saw the clip on an online queer magazine, and they wrote that Larry King had on all these gay guests, and they mentioned you. And I thought, "Kathy's not gay."

KG: I'm not gay, although people think I'm gay. So I like to call myself gay-adjacent or gay-friendly. But I do enjoy vaginal sex with a penis. I don't know how much clearer I can be about that.

GM: You're so popular with "the gays", as you call them.

KG: Right. Maybe straight guys think I'm a lesbian.

GM: You told me why you love them as a crowd. Why do they love you?

KG: You'd have to ask them. I don't know. But I've certainly got many, many positive twats on my Twitter from members of the gay community regarding the Larry King appearance and donations to the Trevor Project, etc., etc. You know, I kind of feel like we're there for each other.

GM: But you don't hold back when you're making fun of somebody, or, you know, calling Ryan Seacrest a 'she'.

KG: Right. I don't hold back calling Elizabeth Hasselbeck a moron, either. I don't hold back whether it's gay, straight, LGBT or otherwise.

GM: And so they just appreciate, like anyone else, your honesty.

KG: I hope so. I know I keep mentioning the live shows, but in particular that's really where I get to do that. Because on TV, you know – I just taped one of my latest specials – you have to edit certain things out or they bleep the swear words. But at the River Rock, nothing will be edited, nothing will be bleeped. Come with an open mind. And buy a t-shirt.

GM: What's the t-shirt?

KG: Oh, I have merchandise now. And I have t-shirts and I have maglets, which are like Snuggies but for people who drink, like my mother. They have pockets for a little individual box of wine. I have eco-bags because I'm going green. Who knew? People love eco-bags. I have pens that say "Holy fuck balls."

GM: So you say you were always starstruck. Can you remember your first brush with greatness?

KG: Um... I've had many brushes with greatness. I was in a movie that wasn't received well but it was called Shakes the Clown and it had a cameo with Robin Williams so I got to see him in the make-up room and see him in rehearsal. And that was really exciting to not just see a celebrity in a restaurant across the room but to actually see somebody work and the process. It was very exciting. And I remember it fondly because my dad was still alive and he and my mom visited me on the set and they brought folding chairs because they thought it was okay to just go to a set and just put up folding chairs and drink wine and watch everything. But Robin Williams kind of put on a little show for them and it was really sweet and I always will think of him fondly for that.

GM: Did you meet anyone or get autographs before you got into the business?

KG: I got some pictures but I wasn't that big into autographs. But I was looking through some old photos when I was writing my book, my New York Times number one bestseller, Kathy Griffin, Official Book Club Selection, now available in paperback, and I found some old pictures. I think I have a picture with Jack Lemmon, which is pretty phenomenal. Yeah, I was always starstruck and always trying to sneak into celebrity events or sneak onto sets or sneak onto the lot at Fox and stuff like that. I was a little rascal.

GM: You grew up in that area?

KG: No, I grew up in Oak Park, Illinois. But I was so enamored with Hollywood that once I moved to California I just thought I was going to get my own TV show within a week. And when I hear about young actresses and actors that have that experience, I want to punch them in the face. When I hear about actresses that say, "You know, I moved out to L.A. from Kansas and I didn't get my first job till I was here for a week," I want to then punch them in the face.

Kathy Griffin interview

Kathy Griffin - January 6, 2008

"I call them the unshockable gays. Who knows if somebody used a slur or if in any way they had to deal with any kind of anti-gay sentiment in their day, so by the time they come to a comedy show they're just willing to go there. They want to laugh. Gay audiences are the very least likely to walk out in shock at anything I say. I mean, what haven't they heard?" – Kathy Griffin

Kathy Griffin: I have a funny story for you.

Guy MacPherson: Oh, okay.
KG: Alright. So we're just starting taping season 5 of My Life on The D List. And we're going to River Rock and we're not going to cover it because it's another stand-up gig. This year on the D List we're actually a lot more celebrity-oriented. So the theme of the year is that I'm an A-lister in training. So for episode one we have Bette Midler and we have an episode with, you know, Rosie O'Donnell and I go spend the night at Gloria Estefan's house, and all these fabulous celebrities. And we just nailed down Lily Tomlin. I'm nominated for a Grammy for best comedy album and Lily is one of only three women in history to win that Grammy. So I had set up a day to shoot with her in Los Angeles and I had another thing to shoot for the D List that day and I was pulling my hair out. And all of a sudden I happen to see your interview request and it said "click here for other articles" so I clicked on the Lily one and my jaw just about dropped when, at the end, it said Lily is going to be at River Rock the night before me.

GM: You didn't know?
KG: No, but you have created pandemonium. I started calling the Bravo producers last night at one in the morning going, "Oh, my God, is there any way we can mobilize? Can we get the crew into Canada? Do people have passports?" And by the way, I haven't even asked Lily yet. I left a message on her home machine and I hope she'll go for it. Now I love the idea of doing a whole half an episode with Lily but at River Rock. So I'm hoping it happens. I'm going to go in early to see her anyway because I've never seen her live show, I'm ashamed to say. But I just think that River Rock will be a great setting for the show. I don't know if you've ever seen the rooms but they have some really wacky suites there. And we can do stuff in Vancouver. So I'm so hoping she says yes. And I'm so hoping that our crew can get together quickly. But it's all your fault, basically.

GM: Well, thank you.
KG: I'm really excited. I might have a heck of a busy weekend on my hands but I hope it comes true.

GM: Were you going to film up here anyway?
KG: No, that's what was funny. We weren't even really gonna start filming for another two weeks. We were going to shoot Bette in Vegas and then we're going to Savannah, Georgia, to do Paula Deans. Do you know who she is, on the Food Network?

GM: No, I don't.
KG: She's a huge Food Network star. She's just great. So we were kinda like thinking we were gonna gear up but then boom, I dropped the bomb on everybody last night at one in the morning. So anyway, I will definitely be coming up early to see her for sure.

GM: I'm looking forward to seeing her. I haven't seen her live. I've seen you a couple times.
KG: Cool.

GM: Once in Montréal, and once here at the River Rock.
KG: Oh great. Did you see me at the gala or a theatre?

GM: I saw you at a small theatre [in Montréal].
KG: Oh, then you saw... That was my triumphant Canadian appearance where I learned - I was very trepidacious but I learned that the Canadians will let me make fun of your very own Canadian songbird, Celine Dion.

GM: Oh, please. We hate her.
KG: Because I went up there and I was doing a lot of Celine material at the time and I thought, God, normally I'd open my show with this whole story about her. What if they turn on me and throw tomatoes at me in the first five minutes? And it was hysterical. I mean, the response was huge. And I was like, oh this is a license to kill. So I love that you will let me make fun of your very own.

GM: Is there anyone that we won't let you make fun of?
KG: I love to make fun of Chrétien but only because nobody there seems to know how to pronounce his name the same way. You can talk to ten Canadians and get ten different pronunciations of his name. And also I think it's funny that when I was up there last time he had just be re-elected and everybody was upset because they thought he was too boring. And wasn't he involved in a scandal recently?

GM: Chrétien was. And we have a new prime minister since then.
KG: What? What happened to Chrétien?!

GM: He resigned. Now we have a really, really boring guy, Stephen Harper.
KG: Oh, I'm sorry, what am I saying? That's what I meant! I'm sorry. Because the joke I was making was that everybody kept calling him Arper and I didn't know that name had an H on it. I was making fun of Chrétien because he was like the more gutteral, working-class guy and then all of a sudden they got Arper, so I started talking about Arper not knowing that his name is Harper, and then I was making fun of the Canadians for not knowing how to pronounce the name of their own prime minister. But wait, didn't Harper get in trouble recently?

GM: Well, we hate him.
KG: I thought there was something. A little racial thing.

GM: He was playing against the Quebeckers in a recent parliamentary crisis. It's complicated. You don't want to get into that.
KG: Okay. I am trying to keep on top of things but it was so funny, when I did Montréal I was going around to any Canadian I could find and saying, "Tell me what topics interest you." And they all just went off on "Arper". The Liberals didn't like him because he was boring, and the Conservatives didn't like him because he was boring. And I said try having a moron cowboy president for eight years who got you into an unjust war and collapsed the financial system for the world. So don't come complaining to me because your prime minister is too boring.

GM: We kind of think of him as Bush-like. Nobody likes him but he got elected twice.
KG: So did Bush!

GM: I know. That's why he's kind of Bush-like.
KG: It's a mystery. Believe me, there's a lot of Americans walking around lying and saying that they didn't vote for Bush in 2004 when they did. But enough about that. At the River Rock, of course I'll be talking about my scandal on New Year's Eve, which I hope you know about.

GM: Yes, I do. That's when you squelched a heckler saying, "I don't come down to your work and--
KG: "I don't go to your job and knock the dicks out of your mouth." Now, first of all, you have no idea how excited I am at the age of 48 to be a YouTube sensation. I have never in my whole career had what they call the YouTube moment and now it's had something like a million views. And I am absolutely in heaven. I got calls the next day from Entertainment Tonight, The Insider, AP, Reuters, New York Times, New York Post, I'm the lead guest on Jimmy Kimmel tonight. I mean, I live for this shit.

GM: This is why you're an A-lister in training.
KG: Exactly. And by the way, when I talk to Lily Tomlin, I'm sure that she will be one of many, many Oscar nominees, Grammy winners that will say, "Maybe you shouldn't say things like that." But I can't help myself and I had an absolute blast on New Year's Eve.

GM: How does that even happen that you end up on CNN?
KG: It's a complete fluke. What happened was I did it last year and I think CNN is actually doing a very smart thing because they're really tapping into a demographic no one has really tapped into. For example, of course they're never going to beat the Ryan Seacrest big network numbers, but when you think about it they are kind of giving an alternative, a place to go. Like, I know that my friends aren't going to watch Ryan Seacrest. It's just not their cup of tea. So they had triple the viewership they had last year. So they are, as far as I know, happy campers. I mean, they got 2.31 million viewers, which for cable is a huge number. I think they just kinda took a chance last year and the ratings were up last year and then they were way up this year. I think they got their water cooler moment.

"It's the oldest, Borscht belt, hacky comedian heckler line in the book. Still makes me laugh. And Anderson absolutely doubled over in laughter. He goes, 'What did you say?' I was like, 'Where have you been, news anchor?'" – Kathy Griffin

GM: You have a great rapport with Anderson Cooper.
KG: I love him. This is a guy who is obviously so smart. This is a guy that could have truly been a trust fund baby and rested on his laurels. He took a camera crew and went to Rwanda without any network sponsorship and said I think there's a story here. He's a perfect foil for me because he's so gorgeous and of course he's an actual real, live journalist and I'm just a... I'm not sure what I am. A D-lister, basically. And he just rolls with it. You've never seen anything like it. The moment that comment came out of my mouth, which I truly thought was happening during the commercial break, the moment one of the producers said, "Oh my God, I think it went out live", I turned to him and I said, "Are you in trouble? Am I in trouble? Are we fired? Am I fired? Are you fired?" And he acted like it was nothing. He said, "No! It's cable. The FCC doesn't govern it." And I said, "You can say 'dicks' on CNN?" And he goes, "Yes!" Joe Scarborough said the f-word during morning drive time on MSNBC. It was just funny. He wasn't concerned with it. He was on to the next thing. He was more concerned with the Texaco problems and which city we were going to go to next. He was like sort of running the show and I was much more worried about it than he was.

GM: So you didn't hear from any producers or anything?
KG: Oh, no. I mean, I thought that their statement was very kind. They made a statement and it was completely honest. They didn't throw me under the bus like the E-channel did when I made a very innocent Dakota Fanning joke. They could have honestly said anything. They could have said, "Oh, she's horrible" or anything, but they just said, "We realize her comment was inappropriate but she's a comedian and she didn't know her mic was on." Which is completely the truth.

GM: Because you weren't on screen.
KG: No. First of all, I'm not on camera if you look at the tape. And I had been told we've gone to commercial. And at that point it was 13 degrees. I know that doesn't impress you, being Canadian, but it's pretty eff-ing cold. And at that point we had already been on the air for almost two hours and we were so freezing we were almost kind of slap-happy. And my goal during every commercial break was just try to make Anderson laugh by any means necessary. So I was saying all kinds of heinous things during the commercial break and unfortunately my mic was just live for that one.

GM: That was kind of a stock line that you threw out there, too.
KG: Well, of course. It's the oldest, Borscht belt, hacky comedian heckler line in the book. That line is certainly long before me and long before Shecky Greene. I mean, that's what funny to other comedians about that joke, is it's like the oldest, hackneyed response to a heckler in the world.

GM: And it still gets a reaction to this day.
KG: Still makes me laugh. And he absolutely doubled over in laughter. He goes, "What did you say?" I was like, "Where have you been, news anchor?" So I was just goofing off.

GM: And speaking of Anderson Cooper, you're huge with the gays. I don't know if there's a connection there or not, actually. But it's funny because I've seen you live and it's not like you, excuse the expression, bend over backwards to please them. You go after them and they just love you.
KG: Well, you know, what I've found about gay audiences that I love so much is that they'll just go there with me. That's why gay audiences really are the best audiences. I call them the unshockable gays. You know, this is a group of people, truly an oppressed minority. Here in California we just had this Prop 8 nonsense where now the gay community has to go, "Oh, I thought we made some progress. I guess we were wrong. Here we go again. Let's mobilize again. Let's see if we can educate people again." And so I find that, as comedy audiences, that's the kind of day they've had. Who knows if somebody used a slur or if in any way they had to deal with any kind of anti-gay sentiment in their day, so by the time they come to a comedy show they're just willing to go there. They want to laugh. Gay audiences are the very least likely to walk out in shock at anything I say. I mean, what haven't they heard? So that's what I love so much as a comedian. I don't know what it's like in plays or for singers. I just know that in the comedy world, that's a dream audience for me. You want an audience that is open to just about anything and will absolutely go there with you. I love the unshockable gays.

GM: You're well enough known now that I don't imagine you get too many people walking out in shock at something you've said because they know basically what to expect.
KG: I still get a few. I like to think I haven't really done my job until at least one person's walked out. A casino audience is a perfect example. A casino audience is atypical because some of them are high rollers and they lost money and so they get comps to whatever show's happening, and they don't know it's me. But they lost some money so the casino will say, "Well, let's take you to a show." It could be me or Lily Tomlin or Dionne Warwick or Damon Wayans. Secondly, at a casino I definitely get people that don't know who I am or what I'm about. Or certain theatres have subscriptions so people subscribe to the full season and one day it's Mamma Mia and the next day it's me telling dick jokes. So believe me, I still have walkouts.

"I had done a few acting parts and wasn't really getting any leverage. I had little parts on this and that. But I started doing stand-up and then, boom, I got an HBO special and another special, then I got the Suddenly Susan part and I got parts on Seinfeld and all these kind of cool shows. So stand-up really changed everything for me pretty quickly after plugging away as a bit player actress for quite a while." – Kathy Griffin

GM: I first came to know of you on Suddenly Susan.
KG: Yes.

GM: But before that were you a stand-up?
KG: I was but you know I really went about the whole thing ass-backwards, as my mother would say, because I started working as an actress first and I was in a company called The Groundlings, where a lot of the Saturday Night Live people came out of. I was doing all the sketches and trying to get on Saturday Night Live like everybody else, but a couple other girls in The Groundlings, one of them being Lisa Kudrow from Friends, we were in Groundlings together and she said, "You know, Kathy, you're really funnier as yourself than putting on wigs and wearing cat-eye glasses and having wacky characters and costumes." A couple people at The Groundlings actually said to me, "Why don't you try to be yourself a little bit more?" And then I started doing stand-up after doing The Groundlings. Most people do stand-up and then they get little acting parts but for me it was totally the opposite. I had done a few acting parts and wasn't really getting any leverage. I had little parts on this and that. But I started doing stand-up and then, boom, I got an HBO special and another special, then I got the Suddenly Susan part and I got parts on Seinfeld and all these kind of cool shows. So stand-up really changed everything for me pretty quickly after plugging away as a bit player actress for quite a while.

GM: I remember seeing you on the talk shows and you were really in your element there. Do you still love doing those?
KG: I love it. And in fact, this year My Life on The D-List... Bravo has been talking to me about possibly morphing into a talk show. I'm not sure if I'm going to do that but this year the D-List is going to be kind of a hybrid of like a field talk show, like if we're able to get Lily I'll interview her and we'll hang out probably in her suite at the River Rock or we'll go someplace in Vancouver. And then the other half of the episode would be sort of a normal D-List episode that you've come to love and expect. And yes, that means my mother with a box of wine.

GM: It's my wife's favourite show and I like watching it with her.
KG: Oh, that's so nice. Thanks. Is she going to come see me on Saturday?

GM: I took her last time you were here.
KG: Tell her it's all new.

GM: She can't make it this weekend. She'll be out of town. I'll be bringing a different date. So that's it. Anything else?
KG: Yes, I want to pick your brain.

GM: Okay.
KG: Okay. So you have to help me produce the episode. Let's say I'm able to get Lily. Can you think of any places near the casino that would be very uniquely Richmond or uniquely Vancouver where I could take her. You know, obviously I'm not going to take her to some big chain restaurant or something. But is there any, like, mom and pop places you can think of or some place to go eat or something that is uniquey Richmond or Vancouver?

GM: If you're talking Richmond, it would have to be Chinese, because there's a huge Chinese population there.
KG: Okay. Do you have a mom and pop kind of down-and-dirty place you like? I want you to e-mail it to me. And do me a favour, if anything pops into your head, if you can think of anything that you think would be comedic or stick out because we want to do locations that couldn't happen anywhere in America. If you can think of anything that you feel like is uniquely Canadian or uniquely Vancouver or uniquely Richmond and a place where they'd let us shoot. Not like the top of the Merriott. We're too ghetto. And I'm not sure if she's going to want to shoot after the show – she might be a night person like I am – or she might say, "Well, I can only give you two hours during the day." So I'm looking for anything. The casino's going to be easy because I think that's sort of a funny location but I would love to say we've cleared this one location that is uniquely Canadian. I'm trying to think. When I go to Vancouver I guess I usually have Chinese food. I could do Montréal because I know Montréal so much better. If I was going to do Montréal, I would take her to probably the crankiest, Frenchiest, with the meanest French waiters who just yell at you when they're giving you your food. Something that I think would only happen in Montréal. If you can think of anything, would you please, please e-mail me?

GM: I will.
KG: Okay. I appreciate it so much.

January 11: Seth Perry (and some notes on Lily Tomlin & Kathy Griffin)

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a Seth Perry confirmation. So we're good to go tonight. Seth was scheduled to be on the program a few weeks ago but couldn't make it. So tonight we'll get to hear all about his run at the Seattle International Comedy Festival. And no doubt he'll plug his weekly comedy showcase at Jupiter, at Bute and Davie. And find out what else he's up to. So tune in tonight at 11.

It was another full comedy weekend. On Friday night I took in Lily Tomlin. I'm a casual fan of Ms. Tomlin. I didn't really know what to expect, or if I'd even enjoy myself. But she was absolutely fantastic. She did some local jokes and then tons of character work, telling her life story. I don't think I laughed even once (not all that surprising for me) but I thoroughly enjoyed myself and was totally impressed. The laughs came for me in the Q & A session where she proved she's a naturally hilarious performer. And what energy. I know 69 isn't ancient, but she had boundless energy, doing about two hours and floating all over the stage.

Kathy Griffin was in attendance and shouted out a question during the Q & A, asking Tomlin to please be a guest on her reality series, Life on the D-List. Tomlin showed great faux-attitude, saying she'd love to do the show, but would rather slit her wrists instead. She told Griffin you can't just expect to move up to the A-list so easily. For example, she herself had to do Katherine Hepburn's laundry for years to work up to the A-list. Finally, Tomlin's true humility came out. She'd do the show, but not because she wanted to, but because she had to, having slipped from the A-list thanks to that viral video of her swearing her head off at director David O'Russell on the set of I Heart Huckabees. Great show.

At the post-show meet'n'greet, Griffin's camera crew was there, and Kathy literally sat at the feet of Tomlin to observe the master. They had some great exchanges. At one point, the River Rock's crack media liaison guy introduced Lily to the Westender writer, who had done a story on Tomlin. Lily greets her and says something like, "That was a wonderful story you wrote." Then she stage whispers over to Kathy: "That's what you say to journalists." Very funny.

Then it was Griffin's show on Saturday. I'd seen her a couple times before; once in Montreal and once last year at the River Rock. We all know she's a chatty Kathy. What you see on her series and on talk shows is essentially what you get in her act. No real well-crafted jokes, but just really funny and engaging stories. It's a really conversational style. She's like a best friend who's just dying to tell you what they experienced or think, be it spending her birthday with Cher or hanging with Anderson Cooper on New Year's Eve. You know, just like your friends. She does a horrible Cher impression (as she admits) but a fantastic Rosie O'Donnell and Liza Minnelli. Griffin also did close to two hours, then amazingly went back and did a second show. I don't know how she does it. The paycheque probably helps.

Anywho, the radio show. Don't forget about it. Tonight. 11 pm. Ish.
Peace out, mofos.

The Survey Says...

Okay, I'm hooked on this blog thing. I fought it and fought it for years when people were telling me to get a blog. And now look at me. I can't be stopped. See, this is why I don't join the cult of FaceBook. I have just enough self-discipline to not join. If I ever succumbed, I fear I'd never leave the house.

So anyway, there's a new survey. The old one expired today with a grand total of four responses. But I see this thing blowing up sometime soon. I predict at least six replies this week.

When we started the radio show lo these four years ago, we started what was to be a regular segment called Funny/Not Funny. The idea was to rattle off a list of comedians and get the guest to give an opinion on each one. I think we've probably done the segment fewer than ten times total. But I always enjoy it. The answers usually break off into a deeper discussion of comedy. So here's my attempt to renew the format, only in the form of a survey. The only way I could figure out how to do it is to allow you to click on as many of the ones listed as you think are funny. The fewer the votes for a particular comic, the less you think he's funny. Or something like that.

The list is culled from upcoming acts to Vancouver. Steven Wright is playing the River Rock Show Theatre on November 1, Louis CK is at the Vogue on November 14, Dame Edna at the River Rock on November 14 & 15, Cheech & Chong at the Queen Elizabeth Theatre on December 5, and Kathy Griffin at the River Rock on January 10. I didn't include the Just For Laughs tour at the Orpheum on November 14 because chances are you've never heard of anyone performing that night. 'You' in the general sense, of course. I know you, the individual, are hip to everyone.

So vote to your heart's content. It's election season, afterall. This will give you practice.