Now that I've totally sucked you in, enjoy the podcast. Between interviews, I've thrown in some comedy on the subject of magicians from the Sklar Brothers. I think you'll enjoy. Listen here or get it at your favourite podcast depository, such as iTunes.
I've got to be on my best behaviour tonight. Officer Davis Quinton of the RCMP detachment in Dog River is dropping by the studio. Yes, that's right, Lorne Cardinal, who played the beloved goofball cop on the hit Corner Gas, is one of our guests tonight. The other is his right-hand woman/gal pal Monique Hurteau, who also happens to be a stand-up comic/motivational speaker/personal trainer. We'll concentrate on the comedy portion of those forward slashes and find out what these two fine entertainers are up to these days. So set your PAR (personal audio recorders) for 11 pm tonight to What's So Funny? on CFRO 102.7 FM.
I've got a real soft spot for magic. Burton didn't disappoint. I wouldn't necessarily describe it as a "comedy magic" show, though. Maybe light-hearted, but not exactly funny. Still, damn impressive. I sat there shaking my head at bodies coming and going, seemingly through thin air. Yes, magic is all variations on a theme, but when done well (as this was), it's still amazing to me. He made three sexy showgirls appear in a plexiglass box, brought a ten-pin bowling ball from a notebook, spun his head round and round, and reproduced a famous Vegas statue on stage, among other tricks. Burton also generously shares the stage with other Vegas performers. On this day, Russ Merlin, who's been on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show, did his patented 4-masks routine, which was pretty damn funny. When I interviewed Burton in his dressing room after the show, Merlin slept beside me on the couch. Ah, show business! One other guest (whose name I lost) did comedy juggling and such. So rather than "comedy magic", how about the Nathan Burton Magic Variety Show? (My personal highlight: when leaving Burton's dressing room backstage, Marie Osmond sauntered past me on her cell phone and entered her own dressing room. She's a little bit country; I'm a little bit star-struck.)
If I have a soft spot for magic, I've got to admit I've never been a fan of stage hypnosis. Or any hypnosis, I guess, but I only ever come across it in the entertainment world. Anthony Cools is a Canadian performer from Calgary who's dubbed "The King of Sociability". He's filthy and funny but I just couldn't get into it. It's just me, but I don't buy that anyone was actually in a trance and humping furniture, giving blow jobs to beer bottles or reaching orgasm at the touch of his hand. Still, though, he's got a great comedic presence and delivery. I'd watch him perform without the faux mesmerizing, that's how funny he is. But if you're into that kind of thing, his is a show you should definitely check out. Hell, if you've always dreamed of a Vegas stage for your own uninhibited theatrics, go for it.
I've been a huge fan of these guys since they first started showing up on TV in whatever decade that was. Funny and smart and a bit subversive. I saw them last year at the River Rock Show Theatre and this show in Vegas was largely, and not surprisingly, the same. I still can't figure out Teller's entrance to the stage. It defies logic. Penn can be annoying with his hit-you-over-the-head-with-his-strong-opinions, but whatever. Their trick about the rights and freedoms taken away from us due to metal detectors in the airport was more a chance for him to spout off on their libertarian views as the pay-off wasn't all that grand. (His argument was basically that if we take away the weapons from the good guys, the bad guys would still figure out ways to get them on the plane. Kinda simplistic in a couple of ways that I could see: First, the whole notion of good guys/bad guys is something I don't care for as we're all shades in between. Secondly, it assumes that only bad guys create problems on flights. If you look at gun crime statistics, most crimes are committed in the heat of the moment by otherwise good people who just happen to have weapons at hand. But, sure, if anyone who commits a crime magically transforms into a "bad guy", then this argument holds up.) They finished with an impressive flag trick that would have been better without the rah-rah America nonsense. Not that they shouldn't be proud of their country, but it was a bit of a straw man argument. Penn built up the greatness of America by comparing it to places like China and Afghanistan (if I'm not mistaken). More black and white logic from someone I expect better from. What about all those shades of gray countries like Canada and most of Europe with similar freedoms and democratic governments? America isn't great because it compares favourably to the worst governments in the world; it's great for its own reasons. Still, for the magic and comedy alone, this show is well worth seeing. Penn's a strong vocal presence and Teller is just as strong in silence, and can even be beautifully poetic. (And if you're a jazz fan, as I am, you'll want to get there early to hear Mike Jones amaze on the piano. There probably wasn't a note this guy didn't play. A few years back, at some Just For Laughs social in Montreal, Penn told me about this guy who was, he said, more technical than Oscar Peterson. I don't know about that – Oscar's my hero – but on the way out I asked him if Peterson was an influence. "I studied with him," he told me. Then once he figured out I was a jazz fan, we had a great conversation. I've since downloaded his album. You can, too. For free, yet! Follow the link on his name.)
I only made it to the last ten minutes or so of this one, but I'd go back in a second next time I'm there. It's like a little play conceived by Geechy Guy, a local legend, and on this night featured GG, Brian McKim, Rob Sherwood, and the British Matt Black. The conceit is that three or four comics are sitting on crates outside a club telling each other jokes. These are street jokes, which are frowned upon in regular stand-up, but everyone loves anyway. And this isn't regular stand-up. For one thing, the comics aren't, you know, standing up. For another, they're addressing each other rather than the crowd, making each other laugh, and in turn us. You'll hear some classics and some you've never heard before. And no doubt you'll remember at least one to pass along to your friends. (After the show, I sat in the bar at Hooter's with McKim and recorded an hour-long chat that we'll air soon.)
I loved this show. Mac King is so damn likable, so gentle, and so in-the-moment. This isn't "big" magic with huge props. King works out of a small suitcase. Okay, there's a big tent, but that's about it. Otherwise, he's cutting up rope, spitting up live goldfish, doing card tricks and interacting with the volunteers. The guy is a solid pro and you can't help but be charmed by his show. It's also totally family friendly. I know where I'm going if I ever take my son to Vegas. I actually liked this show so much, I came back the next day. I also had the opportunity to interview him for half an hour and he couldn't have been nicer. That, along with the Burton interview, aired last Sunday and will be available in podcast form this Sunday.
This was one I wasn't really looking forward to, despite hearing great things about it. I'm about all tapped out on the male/female dichotomy. There's only so much to say about the topic. I get it, men are pigs and women are crazy. But over time, this performance grew on me. As a guy who owns one power tool (a drill I won as a door prize more than ten years ago) that I've never been able to figure out how to use, I can't really relate to all the macho dude stuff. It's just not me. And my wife isn't the stereotypical female, either. Yet we each exhibit more than enough of the traits lampooned in this play. And beneath all the poking fun there's a real warmth. As he said, the one-man show is "selling true love and monogamy in Sin City."
Turned into a walk-run of about 2 miles as I dodged pedestrians and random pirates and Michael Jackson impersonators. Brad Garrett and I have our history, but he wasn't in attendance this night. Maybe he heard I was coming? 
Anyway, it's a really nice room. I got there in time to see emcee (and new Vegas resident) Brian McKim deadpan a few jokes before bringing out headliner Monique Marvez. Maybe I'd have enjoyed her more if I hadn't just come from Defending the Caveman because her whole set was the men/women angle and I was full. She even said men are instinctively hunters, which is the whole premise of DtC.
Talking about the biathlon in the winter Olympics, Jordan says, "If you're in 4th place with three bullets left? You're on a Wheaties box.") and headliner Joel Lindley. I enjoyed Lindley's one-liners, but with reservation. The line, "I could never be gay. I'm disgusted by my own penis" is a variation on a line I first heard around Vancouver in the early 1980s. And two other lines, which were funny, I heard the next night at Vinnie Favorito's show. I have no idea whose they are, but it's not a good sign. Regardless, he had a goofiness to him I really liked.
Maybe my favorito show of all of them. Boom! But seriously, ladies and germs, I had the best time at this show. I had no idea who this guy was prior to Vegas but I Googled him and found some hilarious roasts he participated in and wondered why he wasn't used on the Comedy Central roasts. He should be. He's like Dom Irrera meets Lisa Lampanelli meets Mike Bullard. He's got the attitude of Irrera, the racial insensitivity and roasting ability of Lampanelli and the recall and crowd work of Bullard. He's so much fun and the crowd loves him. He did 90 minutes of rapid-fire insults to seemingly half the crowd that culminated in a round-up of everyone he talked to, with more insults thrown in. As per any Vegas show, the performer will hock his goods outside the venue after the show and Favorito's is perfect. Among the merch, he sells a CD of that very night's performance. If you were one of the people he zinged, that's going to be something you definitely want. Hell, if it weren't 25 bucks (like a more reasonable 10 or 15) I'd have bought one myself and I wasn't even part of the show.
This is billed as the best 10 o'clock show in Vegas, which makes me laugh because how many 10 o'clock shows are there? (I don't know the answer to that, by the way.) Wallace is practically a legend. I've been watching him on TV for years and years. On the night I saw him, "I Be Thinkin'" (the name of his show) ran two solid hours. Two hours! Surely that can't be the case every night, but I can't be sure about that. It's an oddball evening. Prior to the show, a video plays of YouTube clips of other people. Then he comes out and talks to the crowd, doing a lot of geographical jokes. Then he brought a woman out of the front row to see if she could sing along to some famous pop-gospel song. She could and then some. So much so that I wouldn't be surprised if she's a plant. But that's perhaps the cynic in me (see my thoughts on hypnotists above). This was followed with a segment on Yo Mama jokes: an audience member would yell one out then Wallace, who must have an encyclopedic memory for them, would reply in kind. If it's of the 'she's so ugly' variety, he'd respond that way; if it's 'she's so fat', that's what he'd throw back. I'll say this show was not my cuppa tea but the crowd ate it up. And he's a true professional so keep that in mind.
But I had a good time talking to former Vancouverite (and current Vegas resident) Richard Kiss, Brian McKim and his wife and fellow-stand-up Traci Skene, Standup Scottsdale's Ricardo Rocha, and Joe Lowers, who runs the World Series of Comedy. And even chatted briefly with Jill, the sister of Jimmie Kimmel, who, I understand, does a bit of comedy herself.
I was in Las Vegas last week watching comedy. Three of the shows I went to were magicians and I've got interviews from two of those Vegas magicians for you tonight on What's So Funny? The first happens to be the first show I saw on my first trip to Sin City, Nathan Burton. I got to my hotel at 2:30 and was sitting in the Flamingo showroom watching Burton at 4:00. I'd never heard of him before but he made a splash a few years with a David Blaine-like stunt, locking himself in a rectangular plexiglass box with seven Vegas showgirls for seven days and night – no food, no water and no bathroom breaks. He does a really fast-paced show with lots of big objects appearing and disappearing right before our eyes. I sat there shaking my head in amazement. His is also a variety-type show in that he invites other performers from around town to do a short set. 
After the show, I headed up to his dressing room to talk to the man and you'll hear that chat first tonight. We talked about his history, his appearance on America's Got Talent and what it was like being in close quarters with showgirls 24/7. (On a side note, on my way out, who should stroll past me on her cell phone and into her dressing room was none other than Marie Osmond, who does a show in the same theatre with her brother. I won't say that was the highlight of my trip, but I might think it.)
The second half of the show tonight features an interview with Mac King, who has been a fixture at Harrah's since 2000 doing two shows a day, five days a week. I loved his show so much I took a buddy there the day after I saw it alone. He is such a warm, kind and funny performer. And a pretty damn impressive magician, too. His is a smaller brand of magic as opposed to the Copperfield-type that Burton practices, but no less impressive. Half the fun is watching his interactions with his volunteers, both adults and children. 
His props include rope, cards and goldfish. We talked about his audience interaction, some bloody and drunken horror stories from his past and his experience performing on Late Night with David Letterman.
One week ago tonight, we had the infamous "Boston Bruins' fan Greg" on the show. The Canucks led 2-0 and, since he's really life-long Canucks fan/comedian Andrew Barber, he was quite happy about the turn of events. I suggested he might need to figure out a plan for if the Bruins come back and win it all. Andrew couldn't even fathom such a scenario. Cut to: Boston. The local heroes get outscored 12-1 and the series is tied at 2 games apiece. Back to Vancouver they go, where the Canuckleheads squeeze out a victory before heading back to Beantown. If for no other reason that seeing Barber sweat it out, I'd love a Bruins victory tomorrow.
I first knew of Peter as a sketch actor with Long Hard Comedy Rocket. He's returned to his sketch comedy roots recently by shooting a number of shorts with his new troupe, The Legend of Bonefish. And he's done a ton of other acting, some of which we may even talk about tonight.
Ken is a travel writer, screenwriter and director who also happens to be the city's only Bruins fan and revels in it. At least until tomorrow night. Read all about it on his website, Tripified.ca. He's written for Rolling Stone and GQ, among other cool publications. He also may or may not be a billionaire playboy who solves baffling crimes in his spare time.
On the heels of the big Tracy Morgan controversy of '11, I thought I'd take this opportunity to run the full transcription of the interview I did with the manchild in May. It was a doozy. I didn't know what to make of him, but was kind of amused throughout even though I thought he was yelling at me. And by the end, he kind of tipped his hand and showed he was maybe more normal than he lets on. Who knows, though? The guy is an enigma.Tracy Morgan – May 6, 2011
"You don’t like it, leave, man, but don’t judge me. You ain’t walked a mile in my shoes. You don’t know where I’m from. I came out there to make you laugh. I left my family and my home to make you laugh. The least you could do is have a sense of humour. Don’t take it so serious." – Tracy Morgan
Guy MacPherson: Hello, Tracy.
Tracy Morgan: Hey, what’s up?
GM: How are you?
TM: I’m okay, man. Just hanging out in my house.
GM: In LA?
TM: No, I’m in New Jersey.
GM: I know you’ve been to Vancouver many times.
TM: Yeah.
GM: From the clubs right up to the theatres. Have you done movies here as well?
TM: Uh, I don’t think so.
GM: No?
TM: No.
GM: What do you do when you’re in Vancouver? Got any good memories?
TM: I love Canada, man. Canada’s awesome.
GM: Anything in particular in Vancouver, though?
TM: No. No, no. I don’t think so. I don’t remember locations, dude.
GM: Oh, okay. You’re best known for your work on network TV. But no matter how subversive or outrageous your TV work might be, it’s got to be a bit of a shock for someone coming to your stand-up show for the first time if they’re not used to that.
TM: Yeah, it’s okay. I don’t think it’s a shock. I think people are just surprised. I don’t care.
GM: Oh, I know you don’t care. Nor should you.
TM: I don’t have any boundaries when it comes to stand-up.
GM: Oh, I know. I’ve seen you.
TM: Yeah. I love to talk about sex, I love to talk about politics. I love to talk about the things I know.
GM: And do you ever get any problems from the people who come to see you?
TM: No. I don’t care. If they get upset, they get upset.
GM: That’s part of being a stand-up, right?
TM: Yeah, I don’t care. You think I worry about that? That’s the least of my problems. I don’t care about that.
GM: No, no. I don’t suggest that you care or worry.
TM: I never do.
GM: Is it cathartic to say what you want?
TM: Yeah. Let me explain something to you. Stand-up comedy is the only place in show business – probably in the world – where there’s justice.
GM: How do you define justice?
TM: Because I get to say what I feel and what I think. And if you don’t like it, leave. You don’t have to sit there and listen to me. I’m sorry, everybody can’t be Ray Romano. I’m Tracy Morgan. I’m not trying to be nobody else, man. I’m talking about my experiences in life. I’m talking about how I see life, how I feel.
GM: And that’s what a lot of people–
TM: – are afraid to do. People don’t even like speaking out in public. They sit in the back and they judge. Those are cornballs, man. You don’t like it, leave, man, but don’t judge me. You ain’t walked a mile in my shoes. You don’t know where I’m from. I came out there to make you laugh. I left my family and my home to make you laugh. The least you could do is have a sense of humour. Don’t take it so serious. But we got assholes out there that think that they coming to see Tracy Jordan. You don’t know the difference between stand-up and TV? You don’t know the difference and you a grown-ass person? Come on, that’s not my fault. You can’t fix stupid. Forrest Gump even said that: stupid is as stupid does. People actually think that Tina Fey’s gonna be there!
GM: Get out.
TM: Yeah! I’ve had people say, “Where’s Tina Fey?!”, like we hang out together.
GM: Yeah, like it’s a touring show.
TM: Yeah! They actually believe what they see on TV! Come on. This is what I deal with. You axe; I’m letting you know."The funny dude always gets protected as long as he’s got a good spirit. My father taught me that early in life because he was a comedian: 'Always tell jokes with a good spirit. That way, when you do make fun of somebody, they can laugh and you can laugh.'” – Tracy Morgan
GM: I don’t get how people can be offended by words on a comedy stage.
TM: Sure, I don’t care. Be offended! I love it! I want you to be offended. Maybe you’ll change things. If people don’t get offended, you probably ain’t funny. I’m always confrontational. I’m confrontational with black people, I’m confrontational with white people, I can be confrontational with women, I can be confrontational with men. Yeah, my stand-up is sort of confrontational. Everybody don’t agree. You think I want everybody agreeing? But that’s politics. You put ten people in a room, half are gonna like you and half not. Boom, politics.
GM: Were you like that as a stand-up starting out?
TM: As a kid I was like that, man. Yes. I had a vision of who I wanted to be and what I wanted to be and I was going to make society conform to that.
GM: Did it ever get you in trouble?
TM: I don’t care.
GM: No, before you were a stand-up.
TM: And I don’t care.
GM: (laughs) But did you get in trouble?
TM: (yelling) I don’t care. What do you call trouble? I got kicked out of my classes because I axed my professors, “How you know?” If you want to consider that trouble, then consider that trouble. Yeah, I questioned the knowledge. Of course you gonna get in trouble when you question the knowledge, when you rage against the machine. Of course! But that’s why we got stand-ups.
GM: Or did an older kid ever smack you upside the head because of your mouth?
TM: (yelling) No, other kids loved me. I was the funny dude in the neighbourhood so they protect that. Especially in the neighbourhood, in the ghetto. The funny dude. We didn’t have no money, we was too poor to go to Radio City to see Richard so they had me. So they protected that. The funny dude always gets protected as long as he’s got a good spirit. My father taught me that early in life because he was a comedian: “Always tell jokes with a good spirit. That way, when you do make fun of somebody, they can laugh and you can laugh.”
GM: So no matter what you say, it’s in the approach.
TM: All in the approach.
GM: Is it true that SNL would dock your pay for foul language?
TM: I don’t know, I never used foul language.
GM: I read that you said that on Conan but I didn’t actually see you say it.
TM: No, that was just me being funny.
GM: So you know. You’re a professional.
TM: Yeah. Absolutely.
GM: You know the stage that you’re on and what’s right and what’s not.
TM: That’s right. I’m aware.
GM: You have three kids?
TM: I have three sons.
GM: You could be a grandfather, right?
TM: (softly) No. I’m not doing that. They’re working. They’re focussed.
GM: What kind of kids are they? What kind of dad are you?
TM: (softly) Well, you’ll have to axe ‘em, but they’re beautiful. Me and my ex-wife, we raised them right. Yeah, we raised them right. They’re beautiful.
GM: All our parents embarrass us. Do they get embarrassed by you?
TM: Sure. I’m quite sure they do from time to time.
GM: They’re college age?
TM: Uh, one is 26, one is 24, and one is 20.
GM: That is amazing because you seem forever young.
TM: Ha-ha. Well, you know what they say: Black don’t crack and brown don’t frown. You know?
GM: (laughs) I hadn’t heard that.
TM: Yep.
GM: It’s part of your spirit, too. No matter what, you’re young.
TM: Yeah, it’s part of my spirit. As long as you got a young spirit.
GM: It seems like you get amused if and when you get in trouble. Because you don’t care. That thing you said about Sarah Palin on TNT where they apologized.
TM: Yeah, I did say it and it was awesome.
GM: Exactly. So it amuses you that people would get upset about something like that.
TM: I don’t mind. I mean, people get upset, I guess. I mean, fine, they get over it.
GM: There’s a famous clip of you on a local Texas TV station and everyone says you’re drunk on it.
TM: I wasn’t drunk.
GM: I didn’t think so. I saw it and thought you were just being funny.
TM: People are idiots, I told you that. Some of them. They like to just say things on the internet. They weren’t there. Nobody told them that. They just assumed I was drunk. What am I gonna do? Respond to that?
GM: Have you ever been in a situation like that where you were?
TM: No. Never been on stage intoxicated. Never ever ever ever ever.
GM: Save that for after the show.
TM: Yeah. I’m not gonna focus with that.
GM: Your Wikipedia entry says you’re an actor, comedian and author. I know you’ve written a book but ‘author’ sounds so impressive. Were you a good student in school?
TM: No. I hated school. School only taught me how to pick up chicks.
GM: Well then it taught you something then!
TM: Yeah. But, nah, I didn’t go to school and I wrote a book. You don’t have to be a good student to write a book. George Bush wrote a book and he was a terrible student.
GM: That’s true. But it requires some–
TM: It requires the truth. It just requires you tell your story. And writing it on a piece of paper. That’s all it requires. People want you to think that but I don’t fall for that crap.
GM: No?
TM: Yeah. I told you, I don’t conform. It required me putting my mind to it and it being done. That’s it. Those are the requirements.
GM: How long did it take you to do it?
TM: Two years. It was hard cause I was telling the truth.
GM: And to just sit down and do it was like work, right?
TM: No, it wasn’t. I just did it.
GM: Yeah?
TM: I just did it. It wasn’t hard.
GM: What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done?
TM: The hardest thing I’ve ever done? Bury my father.
GM: Yeah. That’s real life stuff.
TM: Yeah. You just think I live on TV? You don’t think I go through real life stuff?
GM: Of course.
TM: There you go."Nobody stood over me in 1968 when I came outta my mother’s vagina and said, 'You shall be funny! You shall do comedy!' This was all my idea, man. This was all my idea. All of it!" – Tracy Morgan
GM: I read a nice piece on you in the New York Times and it says you’re always funny, always on, whether it’s on stage or off.
TM: I don’t know what the New York Times said but yeah, I like to be funny every day. Yeah, sure. Why not?
GM: Some days surely you don’t feel like it.
TM: When I don’t feel it I don’t be funny. [I don’t care what] the New York Times said, I ain’t on all the time. I’m on when I wanna be on. This is my life. Don’t nobody control me. Don’t nobody tell me when to be funny or not. Nobody! My father died when I was 19 years old. So I’m funny when I wanna be funny. The New York Times don’t hang out with me every day all day.
GM: Except for, I guess, when you’re professionally obligated to be funny, then you have to be.
TM: Nah, I don’t have to be nuthin’. If I don’t wanna go on stage, I don’t. I cancel. But I don’t do that because I don’t feel the need to. I’m funny. I love what I do. I told you, nobody controls this here. Nobody evah. Not Alec, not Tina, not Lorne, nobody! Nobody stood over me in 1968 when I came outta my mother’s vagina and said, “You shall be funny! You shall do comedy!” This was all my idea, man. This was all my idea. All of it!
GM: What was?
TM: Every drop! My life. Was my idea.
GM: From what age?
TM: From when I was born, man! From when I was born. My father and my mother just pointed me in the right direction. It was me that took the initiative to follow it. From when I was little!
GM: To be funny professionally?
TM: Yeah. It was my idea, man. Whose idea do you think it was? You think somebody came to my house and said, “You shall be professionally funny”? My idea, dude.
GM: (laughs) I don’t know where you got that from.
TM: I got it from me. You think somebody told me to be funny professionally? You think I knew Lorne in 1986?
GM: No!
TM: When crack was king? In my neighbourhood? This ain’t like that. It was my idea, I’m telling you.
GM: Yeah, I believe you.
TM: You have to believe me cause it’s the truth.
GM: Okay. When you started in stand-up, did you know where you were going?
TM: Nope.
GM: Were you just happy to just be on stage– ?
TM: Nope. Just be funny.
GM: Which was more fun: as you’re working your way up with each job better than the last but still not know where–
TM: All of it was just beautiful to me, man. I don’t look at it like that, man! I don’t know who you been talkin’ to but that’s not how I look at it. I’m an individual. I didn’t approach none of this like anybody else on this planet. This is Tracy Morgan, man.
GM: (sarcastically) Oh, Tracy Morgan!
TM: This ain’t Dane Cook, this ain’t none of that. This is Tracy Morgan! I took my path and it was all my idea!
GM: Right, but it makes it sound like you knew you’d end up now where you are.
TM: No, I didn’t know. I didn’t care. I just knew I was going to be funny. I know I’m funny. My father was funny.
GM: Is everyone else in your family funny?
TM: Everybody. Both sides. My mother’s side is funny, my father’s side is funny. My father did stand-up in Viet Nam. And that’s what I grew up watching – my father. I didn’t know if I was going to be successful. I didn’t know none of that. I just knew I wanted to be like my dad. Like any other kid. My father was God to me. What kid don’t grow up wanting to be like their dad? My dad was an entertainer.
GM: So was mine.
TM: Yeah. So all your life you wanted to be an entertainer. You are involved in entertainment in some capacity. Nobody told you that.
GM: Are your kids funny?
TM: Well, I don’t know. You would have to axe them. You’d have to axe their friends, really, because children can be one way when they’re with their parents then another way when they’re with their friends. So, you know, I might not see that side of them.
GM: You think they’ll get into show biz?
TM: I have no idea. You would have to axe them, man. They’re grown men.
Publicist: Hey, Guy, you have time for one more question. So if you could wrap up...
GM: Yup.
TM: But, Guy, you gotta admit, this is a very passionate, interesting interview.
GM: I do.
TM: And you need more! (laughs) Like, “Tracy is an interesting dude, man! He’s got a point of view and everything!” Why you think my lady love me?
GM: Because every day is like this.
TM: That’s what it is, man. Life ain’t nothing but crises management. How you gonna manage?
GM: You live it.
TM: You live it. You deal with it, man. You get through it. And understand that it will all pass.
GM: How’s your health?
TM: My health is fine, man. I’m doing great. I’m in high spirits, as you can tell. I’m passionate about what I say, what I feel, what I believe. You know, that’s it.
GM: And the sobriety?
TM: I’m totally five years clean now.
GM: Sweet.
TM: Yeah, man. I don’t even think about it. I’m trying to get other people to stop.
GM: Like Charlie Sheen? He was here on Monday.
TM: Oh, good for him.
GM: Are you trying to fix him?
TM: Nah. I don’t know him.
GM: I saw that Tweet of yours. I didn’t know if it was a joke or not.
TM: Yeah, it was a joke.
GM: Okay. I know you gotta run. Tracy, thanks very much.
TM: Thanks, Guy.
I've always loved roasts. Some of my earliest comedy memories are of the Dean Martin roasts. I looked forward to every one and it was probably the start of my non-laughing. Oh how I'd hate when someone in the room let out a mighty guffaw and I'd miss the follow-up joke.Jeff Ross – June 3, 2011
"I think nothing’s off-limits, honestly. If you’re a really good joke-writer, I don’t think anything’s off-limits. You’ve seen the great roasters go for the jugular. And if you can make that subject laugh at themselves, you’ve got a real victory there." – Jeffrey Ross
Guy MacPherson: Hello.
Jeff Ross: Hey, it’s Jeff Ross. How you doing?
GM: Hi, Jeff. Thanks for calling.
JR: Oh, man, thanks for doing this.
GM: I hear wind. Are you outside?
JR: Yeah, I’m at the beach. I’m at the Jersey shore right now. It’s beautiful. I’m about to go on in a couple hours in Atlantic City.
GM: Have you ever played Vancouver before?
JR: I have... never played Vancouver before. I’ve been to Vancouver and I love it.
GM: What have you been for?
JR: I’ve been there for bachelor parties. And that’s almost as fun as performing.
GM: You’re coming here with the Just For Laughs Nasty Show. Is that something you’re going to be doing in Montreal later this summer?
JR: Yeah, a very similar show, I think. I guess it’ll be a try-out for Montreal, which I’m really psyched about. I really love it there. I don’t know why but they have the greatest comedy crowds ever in Canada.
GM: Have you done the Nasty Show before?
JR: No, I’ve never done the Nasty Show before. I’ve done other shows where I roast Montreal and different sorts of crazy experimental shows. I showed a documentary at the festival one year that I made about my trip to Iraq. So the Nasty Show is something totally new for me. I guess last year Greg Giraldo hosted it, who was a good buddy of mine who past away. So I was honoured to be asked to take over that this year."When you think up a good joke you can’t wait to get up there. There’s always a temptation to give it away beforehand but then I lose the punch of the live show. So it’s a little bit of a Catch-22 for me because you want people to know how much fun it’s going to be but you also don’t want to blow your load." – Jeffrey Ross
GM: Do you go out of your way to nasty it up and be offensive or is that just your regular act?
JR: That’s interesting. You know, I don’t know. I think I’m going to have to feel the room. I don’t know. I don’t consider myself nasty; I consider myself classy. But maybe a little nasty. So this’ll definitely be new ground for me. I feel I’ll have to turn it up into something a little harder than I normally do. Which is hard to do because I’m pretty hard normally.
GM: When I saw you in Montreal in 2005, you weren’t then known as the Roastmaster General, or a roaster at all, were you? When did that come about?
JR: The birth pangs of the Roastmaster General title was something that happened around then. I think it really took off full throttle around 2005 when I roasted Pam Anderson on television in America.
GM: Was that your first one?
JR: No, I’d been roasting since the mid-nineties but it was a little bit more underground. It started to take off around 2005 into being our new national pastime here in the States. People love roasting. So I’m going to try an experiment at the Nasty Show, which I don’t think has ever been done before in Vancouver. I’m going to try speed roasting volunteers from the crowd. Whoever wants to come on stage to get ripped on. Fifteen seconds of pain.
GM: Will you look at certain prototypes of their build? Or maybe you have some jokes hidden away.
JR: I think it’ll just be summing up people’s essence as they stand there. I’ll do brief interviews right there on stage with whoever wants to come up. It should be very chaotic. Let’s call it planned chaos. Hopefully the venue will hire some extra security in case it gets nuts.
GM: There’s a real art to roasting, isn’t there?
JR: I think there is. I feel like there’s a lot of guidelines to make it go well. You don’t want to be a bully. You don’t want to pick on people that aren’t up for it. You want everyone to leave the show going, ‘That was so much fun. I wish I’d been roasted.’ To me, that’s the key, is to have everybody think of it as a party and not as competitive or mean.
GM: Have you seen it gone wrong before?
JR: (laughs) In what respect?
GM: A lot of people really get it – how to do it well without crossing a line that is maybe more hurtful than funny – and maybe some don’t get it.
JR: I’ve been really lucky in picking targets that are good sports. I feel like I haven’t really hurt anybody. But then again, the great Buddy Hacket once told me that if you hurt somebody’s feelings, they’ll probably never tell you about it.
GM: Have you seen other people roast where you think that probably wasn’t the way to do it?
JR: Oh, for sure. Mostly in the hands of amateurs. Every now and then Comedy Central will invite an amateur to the roast. For instance, the Situation from The Jersey Shore at the Donald Trump roast. You can see how in the hands of beginners it can go horribly wrong.
GM: Doesn’t he get help with it, though?
JR: You would think. But, you know, some people are special-ed students when it comes to roasting.
GM: What is off-limits when you’re roasting?
JR: I think nothing’s off-limits, honestly. I feel like if your joke is funny and well-crafted, people consider it a back-handed compliment. So if you’re a really good joke-writer, I don’t think anything’s off-limits. You’ve seen the great roasters go for the jugular. And if you can make that subject laugh at themselves, you’ve got a real victory there.
GM: What was your favourite one to be a part of?
JR: My honest answer is whoever’s next. Because I love the preparation. Before I get to Vancouver I’ll start writing jokes about the city. I like the going-into-battle feel of it, sharpening my pencil and honing my ideas about a certain subject. So to me the prep is the really fun part. The audience will see the payoff, which is also really fun, but the whole quote-unquote “getting ready”, that’s where the real excitement is for me. When you think up a good joke you can’t wait to get up there. There’s always a temptation to give it away beforehand, like for instance in your newspaper, but then I lose the punch of the live show. So it’s a little bit of a Catch-22 for me because you want people to know how much fun it’s going to be but you also don’t want to blow your load.
GM: It’s interesting that your stand-up has evolved into a roast of various elements like the city or whatever. It’s still a roast even though it’s your stand-up.
JR: That’s right. Roasting for me has gone beyond celebrities and tuxedos. Now I can roast people, places and things, adapting it to the world. The world is my dais, if you will.
GM: You’re also the Roastmaster General of the New York Friars Club, is that right?
JR: That’s actually an unofficial title that I believe was first said by Jimmy Kimmel at the Pam Anderson roast, although he claims it wasn’t him. He heard it somewhere. It’s a take-off on the Toastmaster General, which was a take-off on the Postmaster General.
GM: So there are no duties involved with being the Roastmaster General.
JR: Thick skin and a willingness to work for free at the Friars Club roasts.GM: What is the status of the Kid Rock roast?Charlie has a really, really great sense of humour, willing to laugh at himself and own his history. People talk about his character but the guy I met was very sincere, very good to his friends, and was trying hard to get his kids back in his life. He seemed sober and in a better place when I met him. – Jeffrey Ross
JR: They’re not going ahead with it, sadly. I was really disappointed but I guess it didn’t work out.
GM: Is there somebody else that you know of?
JR: No, they haven’t mentioned anyone. They ran some names by me. They ran one name in particular by me that I’m not at liberty to say yet, but if they can secure this roast it’s going to be the greatest of them all.
GM: Charlie Sheen?
JR: I’m not going to answer that. That would be a really, really great one.
GM: It would be. I read that you did some shows with him roasting him. Boy, we could have used you in Vancouver.
JR: Man, I was scheduled to go up that day and I got a last-minute call saying they didn’t need me. I was really disappointed. I was really, really disappointed.
GM: I think they did need you. I don’t know what they were thinking.
JR: Yeah, that was a heart-breaker because I was really psyched to roast him in a foreign country in front of thousands of people. Those shows were really fun.
GM: He would be perfect for a Comedy Central roast. He seems to have a good enough sense of humour about himself that he would allow it.
JR: Yeah, Charlie, to his credit, has a really, really great sense of humour, willing to laugh at himself and own his history, if you will. People talk about his character but the guy I met was very sincere, very good to his friends, and was trying hard to get his kids back in his life. He seemed sober and in a better place when I met him.
GM: Was there anyone who was really tough to roast? Anyone you had a hard time getting a handle on for whatever reason?
JR: Ah, that’s a great question. I feel like every time Comedy Central announces the new roastee, I start to panic and go, ‘That’s so hard! There’s been a million jokes already about David Hasselhoff and Donald Trump’s hair and Flava Flav’s clock. How are we gonna do this? It’s going to be too hard.’ And then, of course, inevitably we puff a little medicinal and the next thing you know you’ve got ten minutes of material.
GM: (laughs) Is that how the process works?
JR: It will in Vancouver, I’ll tell you that much. (laughs)
GM: Part of the fun of the roasts, too, is not just the person of honour but of course the whole dais.
JR: Yeah, anybody who’s up there is fair game. At the Vancouver shows I expect it to be a little bit of a lion-tamer circus situation where I have people coming at me from all sides. I feel like I’ll need a machine gun of jokes to handle this one.
GM: What is the format going to be? You guys are all coming up separately, right?
JR: Yeah, but I’m hosting and they’ve asked me to do this speed-roasting. I’ll do an opening monologue about Vancouver and I think I’ll just start ripping into people because it’s the Nasty Show. I feel like this is a license to kill if there ever was one. It’s finally a chance to break down my wholesome image.
GM: Oh, yeah. You are, I think, a very decent, good guy. It’s kinda like Rickles. He’s known as an insult comic but just the sweetest prince of a man off-stage.
JR: I saw him recently at a party at Jimmy Kimmel’s house and Rickles was just holding court. He’s like the grandpa of comedy right now. Everybody just wants to have a connection to him and to have a moment where he acknowledges you by making fun of you. That’s just the greatest.
GM: And did he get you?
JR: Oh, yeah."If you read my book, chances are you’re not going to get picked on. I recommend it as a text book for children. Except the parts where I fucked Bea Arthur." – Jeffrey Ross
GM: You have a real respect for your comedic forefathers, don’t you?
JR: You know, I’m sitting here on the Boardwalk in Atlantic City where I saw Don Rickles perform, I saw Buddy Hacket perform before I knew them. So yeah, I guess I have a real affinity for the roastmasters who came before me.
GM: I always liked Milton Berle even though I was a kid and he was ancient. You hear some younger comics who dismiss the old style that they don’t maybe get or is not in vogue anymore.
JR: Milton taught me a lot. The things that he taught me will always be in vogue. He was very classic. After my first roast I asked him for advice and he said they only remember the home runs. So I try to do the best jokes and really just drop the A-bombs thanks to Milton’s advice.
GM: Do you think comics need a sense of history of their craft?
JR: It’s an interesting question. Some do and some don’t. There’s plenty of people who don’t want to look back who think comedy is supposed to break new ground all the time. And maybe it does in its message but in the delivery of it, in the presentation of it, I feel like those methods are pretty timeless. Until someone learns how to tell jokes out of their rectum, it’s pretty much a guy and a microphone and a spotlight and an audience. Booze helps, too. And in Vancouver a little medicinal will probably help the jokes.
GM: (laughs) For who? The audience or you?
JR: Both.
GM: Have you danced since Dancing with the Stars?
JR: Oh, my gosh, of course.
GM: Were you a dancer before that?
JR: Oh, yeah. I won a dance competition in summer camp when I was about seven. I’ve been dancing ever since. I’m a maniac.
GM: So then what happened on the show?
JR: I got poked in the eye on the season premiere. I had a scratched cornea. I danced against doctor’s orders. I danced poorly and I got the lowest scores since Heather Mills’ fake leg flew off.
GM: So if you hadn’t been injured, you probably would have gone all the way?
JR: I would have at least made the finals, I’m convinced. I danced so poorly people thought it was a telethon and sent in money.
GM: Did you really try to lobby to become an American Idol judge?
JR: I really thought there was a chance. That’s how ridiculous I am. I was convinced that they needed somebody in the Simon seat, somebody who could tell the bad ones that they’re bad, straight up with honesty and a little bit of tough love. But obviously the show has tanked without me.
GM: Is there another kind of TV project you’re working on?
JR: I’m working on a Comedy Central show which will be in the roast world but not exactly a roast. I think it’s going to be really special. We’re going to shoot that this summer. It’ll be a pilot. I’ll be warming up for that this summer by doing shows in Vancouver and Montreal and getting as much stage time as I can in front of great crowds. I’ll take some of the themes I’ll be talking about in my stand-up into a TV pilot.
GM: I see on Monday you’re going to be on The Bachelorette.
JR: Yeah, is that airing already? How did you spot that? They haven’t even told me that. It was really fun, man. Taking the roasting into new environments. I’ve roasted on Dancing with the Stars, now I’ve roasted on The Bachelorette, I just did a part on Family Guy where I roast one of the characters. It’s beyond my imagination what roasting could be.
GM: How does something like that happen? Did you approach the producers and say, ‘Hey, how about this?’
JR: Oh, no, it was totally their idea. They had read my book about roasting and giving tips to amateurs for throwing their own roasts. So one of the producers tracked me down and said, ‘Would you be interested in throwing a roast of the Bachelorette?’ And I was thrilled. Who cares if you piss her off? If she’s gonna cry, you just get more camera time.
GM: Did you help the bachelors with the writing of the jokes?
JR: I actually coached them beforehand on tips for making a woman laugh. If you can make a woman laugh at herself you can virtually make her do anything. I think that’s an old Marilyn Monroe quote. And it worked. I feel like she was very enamored by a couple of the guys who were on the funny side. Funny guys often do better than good-looking guys with the chicks.
GM: Yeah? You think so?
JR: I know so.
GM: I thought they just laugh at anything a hot guy says even if he’s not funny.
JR: I laugh at everything every girl says.
GM: That’s a good rule of thumb. Who are some of the best roasters you’ve seen, now or through history?
JR: The classics, the legends that we talked about but you could probably add Ronald Reagan and Foster Brooks and Dean Martin to that list. There’s the Mt. Roastmore, if you will. Hacket, Henny Youngman...
GM: And who are some of your favourites today?
JR: Oh gosh, today I love watching Lampanelli, of course, and Whitney Cummings. We have Anthony Jeselnik on the roasts now. He did great. He used to write for the show, like Whitney, and to see them jump up onto the big dais is really fun. You always want the shows to be as good as possible and have new faces just to break it up, to have new people to make fun of.
GM: When Giraldo died, I first thought the roast might die with him, but they go on through history.
JR: Yeah, these roasts have been around a long time so I feel like it’s only going to get bigger for a while and then probably get corny again. And then one day some guy’ll come along and it’ll get even bigger. It’s a part of our culture. Americans just love – and I believe this goes for Canadians as well – it’s like the public spectacle. It’s like a public hanging. You love to see the big fish with a target on his head.
GM: You mentioned the back-handed compliment. I’m a big fan of the back-handed compliment when done right.
JR: Oh, yeah, that’s the key. You want to roast people that are very established so sometimes you have to sort of kill them with kindness before you really get to the hard stuff. It’s like a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.
GM: Why do you think roasting is important for everyday real life? Or do you?
JR: Yeah, but not every day. I feel like roasts are special. And you have to take your time putting them together and the roastee, the honouree, has to feel very protected. They have to feel like the man. You want everyone to feel like they’re Frank Sinatra surrounded by the Rat Pack. You don’t want them to feel like a deer about to get shot.
GM: What about when you’re just hanging around with your family or friends and you can incorporate some of that roast flavour into your everyday life?
JR: Well, I have to because everybody expects me to. Every guy in the airport wants me to rip into them. But I feel like it’s a good self-defence mechanism. If you read my book, chances are you’re not going to get picked on. I recommend it as a text book for children. Except the parts where I fucked Bea Arthur.
GM: What?! I missed that.
JR: It’s in there. But it’s not true.
GM: Okay, Jeffrey, I think you’ve got another interview lined up.
JR: Yeah, I’ve got another interview for a different show.
GM: Well, it was great talking to you. I look forward to the show here.
JR: I had fun. And your questions were great. Thanks for getting the word out.
